As 2024 draws to a close, I reflect on a year that felt both difficult and challenging, though perhaps better than I expected. To make sense of it, I’ve decided to focus on the cold, hard numbers that define my year. Here’s my look back at 2024, through statistics.
1 New dog acquired this year. Yes, I know I’ve mentioned it a lot. I never intended to become the person who gives lengthy updates on their dog, but here we are. I’ve accumulated 250 pictures of the dog on my phone, and I’m more than happy to share every single one. The dog has taken over my life, my home, and even my side of the bed. I’ve come to realize that having a new dog is like having a baby, only with a greater risk of having your skirting boards chewed off while you’re out buying milk.
10 Columns written about the new dog, which is particularly shocking considering we got the dog only in July. I’ve written more about the dog than I ever thought I would, and I apologize for it. But the dog has consumed my thoughts, my time, and my home. I’ve gone mad with love for this small, furry menace.
1 Fox I tripped over while walking home in the dark. It was a strange moment of surprise, but the fox was surprisingly polite about it.
2 Times I fell from lawn furniture this summer. Once from a collapsing deck chair and once from a hammock. Both incidents occurred in front of the same group of people, making the humiliation all the more raw. But at least it wasn’t a particularly nice summer, so it could have been worse.
19 Chew toys owned by the new dog. Despite this impressive number, the dog still prefers chewing on skirting boards, stair carpet edging, rocks from the garden, and even scissor handles. Clearly, the chew toys aren’t cutting it.
4 Curtain rails installed this year. This was no small feat, especially since the curtain rails were made of copper piping and fitted with brass pipe brackets, a task that felt more like plumbing than home improvement. It wasn’t a perfect job, but I managed to eyeball the levels and get the curtains up. Now, every time I walk into one of those rooms, I’m reminded that I should probably get my eyes checked.
7 Weeks we spent without heating last winter. The cold wasn’t the worst part it was the uncertainty and frustration of not knowing why the heating wasn’t working. We had repairmen coming daily, trying and failing to fix it. In the end, I still don’t really understand how central heating works.
17 Live dates by my band this year, down from 23 in 2023. Even so, we sold about 4,000 tickets and 800 souvenir tea towels. We also managed to record an album in a weekend and release a non-No 1 Christmas single. It’s been a lot of hard work, though my wife insists that if I’m with the band, I’m essentially on holiday.
30 Age my oldest son turned in 2024. It’s a significant milestone, one that serves as a reminder that time doesn’t stop. It’s probably just as strange for him as it is for me.
102 The age my father reached before he passed away in July. In my dreams, he sometimes appears younger, but occasionally, he’s 103 and still wondering what all the fuss was about.
10.3 The revised percentage of this column dedicated to the new dog, reflecting just how much of my life has been overtaken by this little creature. I apologize again, and I’ll try to do better in 2025.
