A provocative question by controversial men’s coach Amerix—“Why do you have a baby mama? This is a men’s space. Speak!”—sparked an unusually candid conversation among Kenyan men this week under the trending hashtag #ManDay. The discussion peeled back the layers of the “baby mama” phenomenon in Kenya, revealing everything from youthful recklessness and emotional deception to deep cultural divides and shifting ideas of masculinity.
Many men reflected on their situations, often tracing them back to impulsive decisions and a lack of direction in their younger years. One man admitted that life didn’t always go as planned, while another confessed to falling into the trap of “careless ejaculation.” Several shared brutally honest stories, with one individual noting that a woman had forced herself to have his child while he was broke. Financial advice also emerged, urging men to be financially responsible, with some stating bluntly, “Don’t erect if you can’t feed your own stomach.”
The conversation also delved into the dynamics of relationships that went sour, with many men recounting toxic situations or relationships that were doomed by irreconcilable differences. One man walked away from a relationship due to toxicity, while another explained that cultural clashes, particularly regarding family practices, signaled that their future was doomed. For some, the failure was due to shifting gender roles and household expectations. One man shared how his partner would sleep while leaving him to cook, an unacceptable situation in his Kalenjin culture. Others cited peace and sanity as reasons for leaving, with some men taking custody of their children after separating.
There were also stories of deception, with several men feeling manipulated or misled after conception. One man likened the experience to being “duped by a book cover.” Another shared a story about a woman who allegedly faked plans to work abroad after receiving business capital. One tragic account involved a man whose relationship collapsed due to jealousy during his partner’s pregnancy. The woman accused him of cheating over an innocent phone call, and she left. Three years later, he had moved on, but the pain of that experience remained.
Not all stories were negative, however. Some men acknowledged their situations with a sense of responsibility, arguing that as long as they provided for their children, there was nothing wrong with the arrangement. One man humorously remarked that a drunken night led to the birth of his seven-year-old son, while another joked that “backups are necessary,” referencing the memory card slots in phones.
The influence of Amerix’s teachings was evident throughout the conversation. Some men credited his advice with changing their behavior, noting that following his guidance led to positive outcomes. One fan of the coach shared that after learning from Amerix, a woman they were involved with started acting out even more, while another proudly claimed that they followed Amerix’s advice and the woman left their life like an aviator.
The conversation also touched on broader societal changes. Some participants linked the rise of “baby mamas” to men living apart from women, much like their fathers did. Others offered more blunt views, calling the phenomenon a mix of irresponsible men and unmanageable women. Some expressed personal frustrations with their partners, revealing that they couldn’t bear seeing their partner’s face every day. Others asserted that they would never let their children be raised by another man.
The discussion provided more than just excuses—it offered a glimpse into the struggles that Kenyan men face with fatherhood, failed relationships, and cultural expectations in a changing society. Amerix’s call for accountability opened the door to rare honesty, and while perspectives varied, one message was clear: “What matters is how we step up as fathers.” This conversation could mark the beginning of deeper self-reflection and perhaps, healing, as men come to terms with their roles in modern fatherhood and relationships.
