Maria Arbuckle’s life story is one marked by trauma, resilience, and a relentless search for her son. At 18, she found herself pregnant and alone, having been raised in a series of institutions that failed to protect her. Her journey began when she was sent to a mother and baby home in Dublin, a facility where unmarried women were forced to give up their babies. For Arbuckle, the decision to give up her son, Paul, was not one made freely but under immense pressure. The day she signed the adoption papers was the worst of her life. She was told, “He’s not yours anymore. He doesn’t belong to you.” That moment marked the beginning of a 40-year search for him.
Arbuckle had a difficult childhood, having been placed in a children’s home in Derry before being fostered by a family that subjected her to physical and sexual abuse. At 13, she learned that the family she had lived with was not her biological one. The abuse she suffered led her to seek refuge in St. Joseph’s, a training school for girls, which, despite its own flaws, provided her with a sense of safety. It was there that she began to rebuild her life, though the scars of her past would never fully fade.
At 18, Arbuckle left St. Joseph’s and started a traineeship, living with two other girls in a shared house. It was a period of newfound freedom, and she fell in love with a 19-year-old singer. When she discovered she was pregnant, she was shocked. Having never been taught about the facts of life, the news was overwhelming. When the relationship ended, she found herself at St. Patrick’s mother and baby home, where her life would take another tragic turn.
The time at St. Patrick’s remains largely a blur for Arbuckle, with psychologists diagnosing her with complex PTSD, suggesting that the trauma was so intense that she blocked much of it out. She does remember the overwhelming fear she felt before giving birth, knowing little about what was happening to her body. After the birth of Paul, she was allowed to visit him in the nursery, but the nuns quickly took him away from her, and she was forced to sign the adoption papers when he was three months old. She was told she couldn’t keep him, and the emotional toll was immense. It was a pain that stayed with her for years, and she attempted suicide that day.
Despite the trauma, Arbuckle went on to marry and have five more children. She buried the pain of losing Paul, but it never truly left her. For years, she sought information about him, but social services told her that he would have to find her. Her questions about his life remained unanswered. She didn’t know if he was alive or dead, and every birthday was a painful reminder of the son she had lost. It was only when she joined survivor groups and began speaking out about her experience that she began to piece together the truth of what had happened to her.
In 2021, after years of searching, Arbuckle received a call from a social worker informing her that they had found Paul. He was living near her childhood home, and they were able to make contact. The moment she received a message from him on Facebook, she was overwhelmed with emotion. Paul was now a grown man, and their reunion was both joyous and bittersweet. They embraced, and Arbuckle was reassured to learn that he had had a good life and was happy. Despite the years of pain and longing, their reunion was a moment of healing.
However, just as she was reconnecting with one son, tragedy struck again. In October 2023, her son Tony was murdered by his housemate in a brutal attack. The loss was devastating, and Arbuckle found herself grappling with grief once more. Despite the heartache, she continues to fight for herself and others who have experienced similar trauma. She believes that by sharing her story, she can help others reclaim their voices and find healing.
Arbuckle’s life has been marked by unimaginable hardship, but she has always fought to survive. She compares her journey to navigating a turbulent sea, where some days are manageable, and others feel overwhelming. Yet, no matter the challenge, she always manages to pull herself back. She is a survivor, not by choice, but by necessity. Through her resilience, she hopes to inspire others to find their strength and to continue fighting for justice and healing.
