The birth of a child is often celebrated as a joyful occasion, yet for many mothers, it marks the beginning of an internal crisis that few openly discuss. The transition from an independent individual to a mother can be overwhelming, triggering emotions of grief, anxiety, and loss of identity. Many women describe the experience as mourning their former selves, struggling to reconcile the person they once were with their new role.
One mother shared her experience: “I did go through a period of feeling like I was mourning the loss of my old life. My biggest fear was that I wasn’t going to get better—that I would never feel like myself again.”
This emotional turmoil is often linked to postpartum depression (PPD), a mood disorder that can develop within a year of childbirth. PPD can cause deep sadness, exhaustion, and anxiety, making it difficult for mothers to care for themselves and their babies. More severe cases may develop into postpartum psychosis (PPP), a rare but serious condition that involves delusions, hallucinations, and extreme mood swings.
A recent study, co-written by Kenyan mothers who have battled PPD and mental health professionals, sheds light on the experiences of women who feel trapped in an identity they no longer recognize. One mother explained, “I wasn’t myself anymore. I became a stranger, an alien. I lost myself.”
Beyond emotional distress, physical struggles also contribute to feelings of failure. Many mothers feel betrayed by their own bodies when they encounter difficulties with breastfeeding or experience lingering postpartum pain. “I felt like my body wasn’t doing what it was meant to do,” one woman said. This disconnect between their physical and emotional selves amplifies their grief.
These feelings extend beyond the individual and affect relationships with partners, family, and friends. Mothers suffering from postpartum psychosis often experience paranoia and isolation. “I didn’t trust anybody. I felt like people were just playing games with me,” one woman recounted. Others spoke of being dismissed when they reached out for help. “I told my husband that I might be suffering from postpartum depression, but he didn’t believe me.”
One of the most distressing aspects of postpartum struggles is the immense guilt mothers feel. They fear they are failing their babies and themselves. “It’s very scary. You are afraid you are not the same person. You are afraid your child isn’t going to have you for a mother,” one woman admitted.
This guilt can spiral into dangerous thoughts. “I wanted to crawl into a hole and die,” one mother revealed, highlighting how overwhelming these emotions can become. In cases of postpartum psychosis, symptoms can escalate to delusions and hallucinations.
One woman described her experience: “I had to breastfeed him with no eyes, just large black eye sockets.” Another mother spoke of terrifying voices in her head: “Inside me is a dark force. A dark shadow that looks like me outside of me. If I kill myself, will the shadow go away?”
Despite these challenges, recovery is possible. One mother shared how she found a way forward: “I knew that things had to change so I didn’t get ill again. I’m easier on myself now, and I have a healthier lifestyle.” Others found strength in their children. “He was the key reason. He was the reason I wanted to get better.”
Medical experts emphasize that social support plays a crucial role in healing. Peer groups, where women can share their experiences with others who understand, help many regain confidence. “Postpartum depression and psychosis are not just medical conditions; they are deeply social and emotional struggles,” one doctor explained.
Unfortunately, stigma and misinformation prevent many women from seeking the help they need. “Not only is there the stigma of being mentally ill, but there’s also the stigma of being a mentally ill mother a ‘bad’ mother,” one woman noted.
Psychiatrist Dr. Joyce Mutua, who has studied postpartum depression in Nairobi, found that the condition can be triggered by multiple factors. One of her studies revealed that women who experience intimate partner violence are at a higher risk of developing postpartum depression and anxiety. She also found higher rates of mental distress in mothers who delivered preterm.
“Risk factors like intimate partner violence and poor mental health should be addressed in postpartum mothers, regardless of whether they gave birth at full term or preterm,” she said. “It is a fundamental right for these mothers to receive proper support and care.”
By sharing their stories, these mothers are helping to break the silence surrounding postpartum mental health. Awareness, early intervention, and strong support systems can make a significant difference.
For mothers struggling with postpartum depression or psychosis, the message is clear: You are not alone, and with the right help, healing is possible.
