Kenyan psychologist Benjamin Zulu has sparked an interesting conversation on relationships, arguing that men are often drawn to “bad girls” over their more virtuous counterparts. His perspective, though controversial, sheds light on the dynamics of self-love, confidence, and boundaries in relationships.
According to Zulu, men love women who have a deep sense of self-awareness and prioritize their own happiness. These women, often labeled as “bad girls,” are not afraid of being left and set firm boundaries in relationships. They express their needs clearly and do not tolerate discomfort for the sake of keeping a relationship alive.
“The virtuous girl leans back and accommodates things until the marriage is no longer bearable,” Zulu notes. “She accommodates so much until she is no longer comfortable. Bad girls leave when there is no longer peace.”
This perspective suggests that many women raised to be “good girls” are conditioned to prioritize others over themselves, often leading to emotional exhaustion and dissatisfaction. On the other hand, “bad girls” are assertive and know their worth, making them more attractive partners.
Zulu also highlights that women who practice self-care and exude confidence naturally attract men. He argues that society has failed to teach girls about self-love, which is why many virtuous women lack the ability to demand better for themselves.
“Women who have an element of self-attention are very attractive. The woman who does not care has nothing and is self-centered. She appears to be receptive to love and attention,” he explains.
Gospel artist Jimmy Gait echoed a similar sentiment in a past interview, where he expressed frustration with dating church girls, labeling them as “hypocritical.” He noted that many portray a virtuous image in church but behave differently outside, seeking financial security rather than genuine relationships.
Zulu advises women to stop fearing being left and instead build their self-worth. He warns that many virtuous women end up choosing the wrong men due to their lack of self-love. Ultimately, he argues that a woman who knows her value and sets standards is hard to ignore whether society calls her “bad” or not.
