Beyond the Rugby Field: Rachel Kolisi Discusses the Struggles of Long-Distance Relationships

Rachel Kolisi opened up about the unique challenges of maintaining a connection in a long-distance marriage. Her reflections come shortly after she and South African rugby captain Siya Kolisi announced their separation, bringing attention to the strain of sustaining a relationship amid demanding career schedules and prolonged absences.

Fans across South Africa were heartbroken to hear of the divorce between the Kolisis, a couple celebrated for their resilience, shared activism, and commitment to one another. Over the years, they have built a family, shared their journey with supporters, and co-founded The Kolisi Foundation, which works to empower and uplift communities across South Africa. Their relationship, seemingly unbreakable, had become a beacon of inspiration to many, who looked up to their strong bond and commitment to social causes. However, as Rachel’s recent podcast appearance suggests, even the most inspiring partnerships can face challenges, particularly when careers and personal responsibilities pull individuals in different directions.

In an October episode of The African CEO podcast, titled “Rachel Kolisi: How to Lead Your Own Life,” Rachel delved into some of the difficulties she and Siya encountered. She discussed the pressures of balancing a marriage with a partner’s rigorous travel schedule, especially in the world of professional rugby. She mentioned how, from the start of their relationship, she had adapted to Siya’s extended absences, which would sometimes last for one to four months at a time. “You learn to kind of live with that,” she reflected, acknowledging that this dynamic was difficult but one she had accepted for years.

For many of her friends, the thought of being apart from their partners for even a few days was daunting. Rachel recalled how her friends would express disbelief, often saying, “I don’t know how the heck you do this, this is insane.” This comment captures the essence of what long-distance couples face, especially when one partner’s career necessitates a lifestyle of continuous travel. The demands of Siya’s rugby career meant that the family was often in a state of transition, adjusting to life in new cities or spending long stretches of time without him.

Rachel’s remarks have sparked widespread conversations online, with many recognizing the toll that such separations can take on a relationship. Social media has been abuzz with people sharing their own stories of navigating long-distance relationships and how they relate to Rachel’s experiences. Among the factors that contributed to their recent challenges, fans have highlighted the couple’s move to Paris last year, when Siya joined the French rugby team Racing 92. The relocation required significant adjustments, particularly for Rachel, who took on most of the household and childcare responsibilities in the new environment. With Siya’s demanding rugby schedule, Rachel was often left juggling the needs of their children and their household largely on her own.

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The strain of this new lifestyle didn’t go unnoticed. After a year in Paris, the family moved back to South Africa, a decision that, according to some reports, was hoped to ease some of the stressors they had faced abroad. Yet, even upon returning, Siya’s professional obligations continued to pull him away from home, leaving Rachel to handle many of the daily responsibilities alone.

Beyond the challenges of physical separation, Rachel touched on another frustration one that resonates with many in the modern world. She expressed a personal “pet peeve” regarding the distractions of mobile phones and how they impact personal relationships. “It’s like when people are with one another, like at a dinner or something, and someone’s on their phone; it’s just an absolute no-no for me,” she shared. Rachel stressed the importance of being fully present when spending time with loved ones, noting how disheartening it can feel when attention is divided by technology. Her comments shed light on an issue that many individuals experience in their own relationships the struggle to connect meaningfully amidst the pervasive distractions of modern life.

In the podcast, Rachel continued, elaborating on how undivided attention can profoundly impact personal connections. She emphasized, “If you are going to take the time, then be there, you know, be there, be present and there.” This statement reflects Rachel’s belief in the power of presence, especially when time together is already limited. In her view, dedicating full attention to the people around us is a small but significant way to nurture relationships, even in a busy world.

The pressures of career, family, and personal time, amplified by physical distance and the intrusion of technology, can challenge even the strongest partnerships. Rachel’s reflections have led listeners to consider the importance of mindfulness in relationships, with many echoing her sentiments on social media. For Rachel, the simple act of making someone feel truly heard and seen goes a long way in maintaining meaningful bonds. “I just think the time that you do make for people, make sure that you’re fully present because that goes a long way with people, just making them feel like they’ve got your full attention,” she shared. She noted that even a short, focused connection could leave a lasting impact, “It can last you a good few months.”

Rachel’s honest commentary on the challenges of long-distance relationships has resonated deeply, especially among couples who navigate similar demands. While her comments provide insight into some of the personal struggles she and Siya faced, they also reflect the common difficulties of being present in relationships today. Her remarks remind listeners of the value of presence, something that often gets lost in the demands of modern life.

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Despite the difficulties, Siya and Rachel remain committed to their family. They are dedicated co-parents to their two children, Nicholas Siyamthanda and Keziah, as well as Siya’s younger siblings, Liyema and Liphelo, whom the couple adopted after Siya’s mother passed away in 2009. This commitment to family underscores the strength of their partnership, even as their romantic relationship evolves.

In an official statement, the Kolisis emphasized that while their relationship is changing, their dedication to their children remains unwavering. “We remain great friends and committed partners in raising our children with the same love and care they’ve always known,” they shared. This sentiment highlights the resilience and adaptability that both Siya and Rachel continue to demonstrate as they navigate this new chapter in their lives.

The Kolisi family’s journey has been one marked by resilience, love, and a shared dedication to their values. Even as they move forward in new ways, their commitment to each other and their children remains a source of inspiration for many. Rachel’s reflections on the importance of presence and balance in relationships have struck a chord with listeners, sparking a broader conversation about the value of mindful connection in an increasingly distracted world. As the Kolisis embrace their evolving roles, they continue to model a dedication to family, community, and each other qualities that remain at the core of their journey, no matter where the future takes them.