Popular Kenyan radio presenter and MC, Sheila Kwamboka, has sparked a conversation about the unrealistic and harmful expectations some women place on men, particularly the belief that “men should be providers.” In an insightful interview, Kwamboka shared her views on how such statements not only undermine the dignity of men but also reflect a lack of understanding and empathy toward their struggles.
While Kwamboka acknowledges that men have responsibilities, especially in relationships, she is critical of the way certain women perpetuate an unfair narrative that a man’s worth is solely tied to his ability to provide financially. In her view, phrases like “men should be providers” often reflect an unhealthy attitude, one that is dismissive of the complexities men face in their personal lives.
Kwamboka shared a poignant example from a podcast she had listened to, where a woman admitted to breaking up with her partner because he could no longer financially support her. When asked why she couldn’t stay and help him through his struggles, the woman firmly stated that a man’s role was to always provide, and that failure to do so was a failure as a man. To Kwamboka, this attitude was not only hurtful but manipulative. She emphasized that relationships should be based on mutual support and understanding, especially during tough times, and that both partners should be able to weather storms together rather than abandon each other when circumstances change.
The discussion took a broader turn as Kwamboka also expressed her disdain for the term “real men,” which she believes is both hurtful and divisive. The term is often used in a way that implies there is a certain standard men must meet to be considered “real,” whether that’s financially, emotionally, or physically. Kwamboka questioned whether the women who use this term truly understand what it means to be a “real man” or if it is merely a phrase they’ve adopted without ever having lived life from a man’s perspective. She pointed out that such statements are often influenced by hearsay and societal pressures, rather than lived experiences, and can often place undue pressure on men to conform to impossible standards.
One of the key points Kwamboka made was that these phrases, including the expectation that men must always provide, have been significantly influenced by African-American women’s discourse. In her view, African-American culture has distanced itself from its African roots, and in turn, some Kenyan women have internalized these ideas without truly understanding the cultural and historical context from which they stem. For Kwamboka, this disconnect has led to the adoption of harmful stereotypes that serve only to create division between men and women rather than fostering mutual respect and understanding.
Kwamboka’s remarks reflect a growing need for empathy in relationships and a challenge to the gender norms that often define how we interact with one another. She encourages women to reflect on the realities of their partners’ lives and to avoid reducing men to mere providers. Men, too, experience challenges, struggles, and emotional vulnerabilities, and Kwamboka advocates for a more compassionate approach to relationships, one where both partners share the burdens of life together.
The conversation about gender roles and expectations is not new, but Kwamboka’s call for empathy and understanding brings a fresh perspective to the discussion. As Kenyan society continues to evolve, it is crucial for both men and women to move beyond stereotypes and recognize each other as full individuals with complex lives. Acknowledging the pressures men face and the importance of emotional support, rather than only focusing on financial contributions, can lead to healthier, more equitable relationships.
Kwamboka’s comments challenge all of us to rethink how we view gender roles and the language we use in discussing them. It’s time to let go of harmful phrases and adopt a more inclusive, empathetic approach to how we define and support one another.
